December 25, 2010 at 11:25 PM – Here I am staring blankly at my computer, sitting alone in my room, getting deaf with silence, thinking “tis the season to be jolly, huh?”… hmmmm… it’s supposed to be Christmas,  the time when people should be at their happiest, being with their family and all that, it just seems the’ Christmas cheers’ just didn’t get through me after all. I should be sleeping right now to fast-forward time, but the Christmas blues just won’t let me, so I figured I might as well write about it here just to get it out of my system…  damn… depression sucks big time!

It may have all started yesterday, Christmas eve. I was still a bit excited; after all, this was my first Christmas to finally give something to my parents (something significant atleast), to my grandparents, and even to my little cousins (ngayon lang naka ipon ng kaunti para mabigyan silang lahat), anyway, as the day went on, I sent my gift to my grandparents and my cousins through my aunt, then I gave my Dad his present, after which we hugged (I felt his appreciation even though my gift was not that big) so far so good, just waiting for my Mom to go home to give hers and I was also really looking forward to her cooking for Noche Buena. But, as soon as she came home she was already in a hurry to go out again for a community celebration in our Barangay and told me that she bought a ‘Liempo’ for our dinner. Oh ok, she has responsibilities for the community, I’m grown up, I understand. It appears that we won’t be having ‘Noche Buena’ afterall. My dad was already asleep by 11 PM, I stayed up until 12 MN or maybe later to greet a couple of friends thru sms and facebook while they have their family’s ‘Noche Buena’ and me sitting alone in my room, my Mom still not back by then. I guess that started this whole Christmas blues thing for me, feeling so lonely on Christmas Eve that it carried over today.

I woke up this morning very sluggish, didn’t exactly know what to do, kept walking around the house, with no one to talk to. Disadvantages of being an only child, oh and also not being that close with cousins. It’s not that I’m aloof, it’s just that my cousins in my father’s side are, let’s just say has a high standard lifestyle and I can’t really jive in their environment, while in my mother’s side, well, they tend to shy-away from me since where kinda in the middle class. This is why friends are very important to me. My friends are my family. I did try to ask them out today, but it’s their time with their family. So I guess there was just me, myself and I left to get through this boring Christmas day. And that brings me back here to reality, still at my room, still alone, still very quiet, and still on the edge of depression.